Lesson 53: Run Away

We hear over and over again that in order to stay healthy, some amount of regular physical activity is necessary. When I was in college, I used to go to Ramsey, the on-campus gym, several times a week to run and sometimes, for step aerobics. Once I graduated I stopped exercising, making up a million excuses for myself. Fortunately, I picked up running and feel a lot better about myself now. Running is easy. It's just one foot in front of the other and requires no special athletic ability. All you need is a good pair of sneakers and a safe neighborhood.

Today I learned that the psychological benefits of running outweigh the physical ones. For a minute I was about to call BS. But then I thought about my own running routine. Whenever I'm feeling down or like I need to clear my head, I put on my running shoes, grab my ipod and just go until the sadness is gone and I have a blank slate in my mind. When you go running, there's no chance you're going to "get picked last," so your self esteem doesn't get hurt that way. Running gives you time to just be alone with your thoughts. It doesn't cost anything extra. No need for extra equipment aside from the shoes (and I've actually read elsewhere that running barefoot is actually ok because it keeps your body in balance...or something like that), so it doesn't hit you in the wallet. No need to stress out over financial commitments.

And I guess that the reason why I like it so much is that when I'm running, unlike so many other aspects of my life, I never feel like the road is going to judge me on whether I'm doing it right or not.

Lesson 52: The Source of Blame

I follow this thing called The Leadership Yoga on Twitter. I can't remember how or when I started following, but the articles and thoughts posted there and on the Leadership Yoga website are interesting and thought-provoking. Today I read an article that ended with this thought:

Instead of finding blame in the words of scripture or the pages of history, we must search inwards for our own prejudices and fears. They are the culprits

Again, I think it's necessary to give out a little bit of background on myself before proceeding with today's lesson. I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, confirmed Catholic and will likely marry and die Catholic. I've had encounters with great Catholics who are willing to engage in enlightening conversations and I've met some "holier than thou" Catholics who just want to fight and tell me I'm going to hell. But I've also met people of other faith who are capable of engaging in the same enlightening conversation without judgment, and more often than not, I agree with what they're saying.

What I took away from the Leadership Yoga article above was that when we become critical of other people for having a different belief system or even being from a different race, ethnicity, or economic class, we're not doing so out because our religious faith calls us to do so. We're doing it because of our own internal fears.

As our world becomes smaller through technological avenues and instant news updates, we encounter people, ideas and philosophies that aren't necessarily congruent with our own. Yes, these ideas might cause us to become combatant in defense of our own belief systems, but I don't believe that it's impossible to still be open-minded and accepting despite those differences. Our generation offers us so many opportunities to learn from and grown from each other's differences, and that's a very special gift.

I've been criticizes as being "a lukewarm Catholic," and I'm sure that other Catholics may read this and continue to label me as such. But after reading Ravi Kudesia's article, I have to ask: "Who gets to decide that I'm "lukewarm," how can it be confirmed?

All these questions of faith may not be answered. That's what faith is, right? Belief in things unknown or unseen. And no person on earth, whether they are of a certain faith or not can have all the answers. We just do the best we can with what we have and hope that we leave a positive impact during our time on earth.

Lesson 51: Don't Touch Me!

I don't like it when strange people I barely know touch me. I don't like it when strange people I barely know don't get that I don't like them touching me.

There's someone I know who constantly seeks out hugs from everyone, myself included. Let me be clear. I'm not a hug-phobic. It just really bugs me when this person tries to hug me as I'm trying to get away...I'm then stuck in the situation where I have to try to explain the "don't touch me" thing.

But when this happened today, I realized that some people just don't respond well to indications that their advances are unwanted. They need to be told more firmly to back off, but in my case, I feel like I'm in the middle of a catch-22. I do'nt want to scream at the guy to leave me alone but a girl needs her space!

So while I've come to this solution that I need to be firmer, I still have to wonder: Why do we feel this need to "suffer" so we don't hurt someone else's ego? Maybe that will be Lesson 548.

Good luck to me at being more assertive.

Lesson 50: Semi-Centennial

It has been fifty days since I first started this blog, and in fifty days I have come to one conclusion: If you want to learn new lessons every day, you have to be willing to seek them out.

As I look back at the first 49 posts on this blog, I've noticed that there were times when I struggled a little bit to identify what I learned. Sometimes the lessons were simple (like the many times I learned something from the news). Sometimes they were reflective (Seems like a lot fall under this category--those were more like revelations than actual lessons). Sometimes they were downright silly (like the one on WAGs and Victoria Beckham).

Regardless of the depth of the material, I have to say that yes, it is possible to learn something new every day. It may not be a hard fact from the encyclopedia, and that's okay because those aren't the most valuable lessons anyway. I have to admit I've enjoyed the abstract things I've learned about people and about myself the most anyway.

Today's revelation even tells me that it's important to be willing to step outside of my comfort zone to look for new things to learn. This is true with all things. If you want a new job, you have to look for one. If you want a relationship, you have to look for someone special. If you want to learn something new everyday, you have to seek that knowledge. Isn't that what life is all about? No one wants to stay in one place forever. You want to grow, and in order to grow, you have to be willing to step out of the box. What are YOU looking for?

Lesson 49: A Dollar A Week

Today I learned through some website that was referenced on Twitter that the Obama girls get a dollar a week as their allowance. The President and First Lady talk to their daughters about the importance of saving and earning money.

This little tidbit of information made me wonder what kind of financial advice I would give my children if I ever have them. My parents never taught me anything about finances, and while I know that I'm responsible for the unwise money decisions I've made in my life, I have to wonder if I would have spent differently if my parents had influence over my piggy bank. I guess that Finance 101 at the age of 3 is something that I have yet to master but given the economic downturn we're experiencing now, I guess it can never be too late to learn the value of a dollar--or $100

Lesson 48: School's In

I'm an education policy junkie, so when I read the cover story from Time Magazine today on lengthening the school year, I got really excited.

First, some background on myself. I loved school when I was a kid. If I could just go to school for the rest of my life and get paid for it, I would be a billionaire smiling at Oprah on Forbes Magazine (or however that stupid song goes). When kids my age were getting excited about summer vacation, I was getting excited about summer reading lists. And when they enjoyed getting new clothes for the first day of school, I was delighted by the smell of a new box of crayons and would spend hours organizing my new supplies into my bookbag. (Yeah. I was a special kid.) I even pick up school supply lists from the displays in front of Staples now and get a little teary-eyed (I guess I'm a special adult, too) Usually when kids misbehave, parents would take away television privileges or ground their kids. My mom once told me I couldn't go to school when I refused to wear what she wanted me to wear. Some little girls played tea party. I played school. I never napped during naptime because I would have rather been counting blocks or sounding out words. Aside from that, I never understood why my classmates thought school was boring. Sure, it's easy to think that I loved school when I was in elementary school (Who can complain about fingerpainting?) or that I loved being able to play with friends on the playground, but it really was just a pure love for learning that got me excited in the morning when I opened my eyes. I bet you're thinking what the heck?!?

Anyway, this article in Time talks about how kids suffer from something called the "summer slide" in which students had a tendency to forget what they learned the previous year over the summer because they weren't spending any time engaging in educational activities like going to museums, participating in enrichment classes or interacting with other students. The obvious statistics were cited saying that children in low income communities suffered the most because they didn't have access to museums and didn't live in areas that were safe enough to play outside. But what I found to be even more shocking was that American students have long summer breaks, spend more time in the classroom but still get outperformed by students in many other industrialized countries in standardized math tests.

I started to wonder how it could be that American students could spend so much time in the classroom and still not perform better. What are these kids doing in there? Staring at each other and eating bonbons? Then I came to the conclusion that those long idle summers and the summer slide cause teachers to have to review a whole lot of information before moving on to the new material. Rather than going from Algebra to Geometry, students are having to spend the first half of the year re-learning what they had been taught before they can master new skills.

The author, David Von Drehle put it best when  he said, "We associate the school year with oppression and the summer months with liberty-and nothing is more American than liberty...School is regimen; summer is creativity. School is work; summer is play." I wonder what would happen if the American culture valued notebook paper, books and crayons as much as they liked their lazy summer days.

Lesson 47: Great Expectations

When I was int eh 9th grade, I read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. Although I wasn't particularly impressed by the plot, I couldn't help but become fond of the characters, especially (believe it or not) Miss Havisham. There was something disturbingly charming about her that made me want to believe that the man who jilted her would come back and still believe her to be beautiful in her raggedy wedding dress and rotten cake.

In the wee hours of this morning, I realized that the reason why I relate Miss Havisham is because we all have a little Miss Havisham in us. We all have Great Expectations that although unrealistic to others are completely accessible to us. So many people grow up believing that their dreams will come true, whether they're of graduating from a top-notch university, having a good job, marrying the man/woman of their dreams, having children, retiring in Florida. It's only when other people come into the picture that those great expectations are dashed.

In my recent experiences I've realized that I'm in the position not only to have my dreams disturbed by others but also that I may wreck other people's great expectations. Who am I to be in a position to do such things? Who am I to yank someone from their lofty dreams only to bring them back to an unpleasant reality? All of a sudden, my own expectations don't seem so great because I'm almost certain that I, too, will be jerked back into a place where dreaming just isn't allowed.

I guess that the most important lesson of today is that even though dreams don't always come true and more often than not, we're just jilted brides hopelessly waiting for a long lost lover, dreams are what make reality tolerable. Sometimes holding on to a dream that no one else can see but you is what gets us through the day. It's what makes us believe, and it's what makes us get up in the morning. And don't we all need that kind of push when we'd rather stay in the comfort of our own beds?

Lesson 46: Blood and Ink

It's amazing what you can learn when reading. In this week's issue of Time Magazine, there was a blurb titled "What they're Publishing in the UK." This is what it said:


Luxury publisher Kraken Opus has created a limited edition of the autobiography of star Indian cricketer Sachin Tendulkar-containing a pint of the athlete's blood. The 10 copies have a signature page made of a mixture of paper pulp and the fluid and have already sold for $75,000 each. The company explained that, to many, Tendulkar is a "religious icon." Proceeds from the sales are slated for the sportsman's Mumbai charity.

Ok...Did anyone else just have a WTF moment? I haven't felt this way since I learned that the University of Georgia Undergraduate Library had a book bound in the author's skin on the fifth floor. I never got a chance to see it because I didn't feel like signing my name away just so I could see paper bound in human flesh.

Lesson 45: Peaches and Not Cream

Following the family peach picking trips from last week, I still have tons of peaches in the house on the countertops, in the kitchen, in the fridge. I have peaches coming out of my ears!

So, rather than just eating them as they are, I've been looking for peach recipes. Surprisingly enough, I learned that they aren't just served up in sweet desserts, there are also a few savory recipes out there. These recipes are from http://www.southerfood.about.com

Peach Salsa

Ingredients:

• 2 cups diced peeled peaches
• 1 cup diced tomato
• 1/2 cup thinly sliced green onion
• 1/4 cup diced red bell pepper
• 2 tablespoons lime juice, about 1 medium lime
• 1 to 2 teaspoons finely minced hot or mild chile pepper, or to taste
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro, or to taste
• dash ginger
• dash garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon orange or pineapple juice, optional
• dash freshly ground black pepper
• sugar or honey, if desired, to taste

Preparation:

Combine all salsa ingredients, tasting and adding sugar or honey if you would like the salsa a little sweeter. It really depends on the sweetness of the peaches. Some chopped mango can be used along with peaches in this recipe. Let stand for 45 minutes or refrigerate for a few hours before serving.
Delicious with grilled fish or pork.
Makes enough for 4 to 6.

Peach-Spiced Chicken

Ingredients:

• cooking oil
• 3/4 cup flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon seasoned pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 6 fryer chicken leg quarters with thighs or chicken breast halves
• 1 cup orange juice
• 1 1/2 cups sliced peaches (fresh,canned or frozen)
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons vinegar
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon dried leaf basil
• 1 clove garlic, finely minced

Preparation:

Heat 1/2 inch of oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Combine flour, salt, pepper, and paprika. While oil is heating dredge chicken in the seasoned flour. Brown chicken on all sides. While chicken is browning, combine orange juice and peaches with brown sugar, vinegar, nutmeg, basil and minced garlic in a saucepan. Heat mixture over medium heat. Reduce to medium low and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove chicken from skillet when it is browned and pour off excess fat. Replace chicken and pour the peach sauce mixture over top. Cover and simmer for 20 to 20 minutes, until chicken is cooked through.
Makes 4 to 6 servings.

Peachy Pork

Ingredients:

• 10 to 12 fresh peaches, unpeeled
• 1/4 cup lemon juice
• 1/4 cup soy sauce, reduced sodium
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1 clove garlic, finely minced
• 1/8 teaspoon ginger
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 4 to 6 pound pork loin roast

Preparation:

Cut 5 peaches in half and remove pits. Process to make 2 cups of puree. Blend 1 cup of the puree with 1 tablespoon of lemon juice. Refrigerate. Combine remaining peach puree with the remaining lemon juice, soy sauce, honey, minced garlic, ginger, and pepper. Pour over meat and marinate for in a non-reactive container or large sealed plastic bag in the refrigerator for 3 hours or more, turning occasionally. Drain and reserve marinade. Cook meat on a spit over low coals for about 3 hours, basting often with marinade. Cut the remaining peaches in half and remove pits. About 30 to 40 minutes before the roast is done, place the peach halves on a double thickness of foil under the roast. Brush with marinade and serve as a garnish surrounding the roast. Heat the refrigerated peach mixture with the marinade to serve with the roast.
Serves 10 to 12.

I've never been a fan of mixing sweet and savory, but I am kind of excited to try these.

Lesson 44: Office Related Injuries

After the consideration of recent events, I decided it was necessary to review some office related safety.

First of all, a confession. I am a complete spazz around office tools. There was a time when I used to check, double-check and triple-check the settings on the copy machine (which by the way is like an intern as it can fold, staple and copy documents) before actually hitting the Start button. To be honest, I still don't know how to use a fax machine or the Pitney-Bowes mail meter. But the paper slicer has been the biggest challenge. I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only one as I've seen and heard of other near-tragic occurrences with this paper guillotine.

In fact, paper slicers have been judged to be so dangerous that the Health and Safety Executive actually published a pamphlet about paper slicer safety, which included the following guidelines for using paper slicers:

1. Guards must be provided to prevent the operator’s fingers from contacting the knife or clamp from either the front or rear of the machine. Only one person should be allowed to operate the machine at the one time and where long material is being cut and cannot be adequately supported by the worktable, additional supports should be provided.
2. A hand-operated guillotine should be made inoperative when not in use either by removal of the handle or by the use of a locking or similar device.
3. The shear edges of the blades should be maintained in good condition and blade clearance must be adjusted in accordance with the manufacturer’s recommendation appropriate to the thickness of the material being cut.

And the thing is, all this seems like it's common sense, but when you're in a hurry planning programs and trying to monitor five other things, it's easy to neglect paper slicer safety. But in my research today, I actually found that paper slicer injuries aren't the most common accident in the workplace. Falling is. True everywhere, I guess.

Lesson 43: It Has a Purpose!

Big thanks to 1000 Awesome Things for today's lesson of the day! Who knew that little hole in the sink was for making sure it doesn't overflow. I never knew it had an actual purpose.

It seems like there are probably a lot of other things in life that look like they don't need to be there but are there for a reason...like that little thing behind doors to make sure the doorknob doesn't dent the wall behind it. I used to flick them when I was a kid. (Yeah, I had pretty incredible ways of entertaining myself.) Or those ribbons attached at the armpits of sleeveless, strapless or spaghetti strap tops and dresses. I never knew why they were there until I noticed the little hooks on hangers. Voila! Instant residence for those ribbon loops!

It works with people, too. Just when you think people are in your life just for "decoration," they do something incredible to show you they're there for something much more meaningful than that.

Like you, Tip Fallon. You're there to show me that there are still a lot of good people in the world as long as you're willing to look for them and believe that you deserve to be in the presence of their greatness.

Lesson 42: Bored

I've sat in classes, lectures and even some movies where I have been bored to the point where I wanted to fall asleep. I've also said before that I "have the attention span of a 2-year old."

In terms of relationships, it's also easy to get bored with a person that you share a routine with and see everyday. It got me to thinking: What is it that helps married couples not only stay married but also stay excited and happy with one another? I used to think that it was all about surprises and frequently experiencing new things together. But then I read the following story and realized it was something else:

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

So rather than focusing on new ways to impress someone, maybe the key to a happy marriage is remembering always what it was that you fell in love with and what attracted you to your spouse in the first place. I figure there's a reason why the excitement of the first few dates eventually fades but the couples that make it to their 50th wedding anniversary last because they fall in love with something deeper than the exciting first few dates.

I'm no expert, and this is a lesson that will be ongoing until I reach my 50th wedding anniversary (or something like that). But I have to believe that there's something special about going back to the simple details that cause you to fall in love that makes things un-boring.

Lesson 41: Girl Power

6

Today I was reading an Time Magazine article by James Poniewozik and learned that more women earn college degrees and hold managerial positions than men. I had a proud "You go girl" moment until I started reading the rest of the article, which discussed the sparse presence of women in late night comedy shows.

Instead of celebrating the achievements of women, Poniewozik discussed the preference of men in late night comedy. Sure, he mentioned the success of women like Tina Fey, Amy Pohler and Chelsea Handler, but the bulk of the article talked about how late night TV still belongs to the men. Instead of experiencing a moment of girl power, I experienced a feeling of "who cares?"

Women have accomplished so much since 1920 when they just earned the right to vote. Sure, there's still a long way to go, but it seems to me that focusing on their shortcomings takes us back to where we were pre-Susan B. Anthony. It may seem completely un-feminist for me to say it, but I think we'd be better off just stepping back and realizing that no, women don't need to dominate every sector of work, home and play as long as we're given an equal opportunity to pursue success in those areas.

I believe that women naturally put enough pressure on themselves and challenge themselves to be the best that they can be in whatever they're doing. So rather than saying that modern women are now earning more college degrees and holding more managerial positions than men but they're still lacking in late night comedy, maybe Poniewozik would have been better of saying that women are now earning more college degrees and holding more managerial positions than men and stopping there.

Lesson 40: Family Time

This is what my bathroom sink looks like when my sisters came to visit.

This is what it looked like after they left.

My sisters surprised me with a visit this past week, and I was so happy to be able to spend some time with them. Growing up as the youngest of six, I realized it was nice to have a lot of siblings because there was always someone to play with, and I was never lonely. I was reminded of this when my sisters came to visit.

I think that the photos posted above best illustrate my feelings about all this. Having a big family makes you feel full and satiated. But when they leave, you feel a little bit of emptiness.

I think that I've taken my family and having them around all the time for granted. There have been times when I've felt like I'd be happier as an only child or with just a couple of siblings, but this past weekend reminded me of what's so great about having a big family. There are a lot of rough times (the youngest gets teased the most and has to watch everyone leave the family home) but there are a lot of good times, too (the big pile of presents under the Christmas tree and the most awesome family portraits ever!)

This is when I realize that I love my family a lot more than I know, and despite all the moving around, challenges and life changes, family is what keeps me stable.

Lesson 39: Taking Risks, Part 2

So after reflecting on yesterday's lesson, I grew a little bit anxious knowing that the risk I need to take is coming soon. And it makes me wonder: Why do people have an urge to do things that seem so irrational, illogical and so unlikely to come out well? That's when I realized that the possibility of a positive outcome outweighs the disappointment that may come.

The "prize" at the end of the tunnel has to be pretty darn special. As I look at the possible prize (and I hate to use that word in this instance), I realize how thrilled I would be to have it. I guess that this whole taking risks thing is teaching me to grow some courage but it's also showing me what it is that I really want. That has been a surprise, too.

Lesson 38: Taking Risks

Today I was reading an email from my best friend, someone who knows me better than everyone else, and possibly better than I know myself.

You see, I had gone to her with a problem I've been having with getting something I want, and her advice was to "Go for it." There were no reassurances that the things that could go wrong wouldn't or recountings of the insecurities that I had expressed. There was just one line of advice: "If you want this, go for it."

I've always been a bit of a chicken when it comes to taking risks. I used to be terrified of roller coasters, terrified of jumping into pools, terrified of taking a step into a new environment, terrified of speaking to people who intimidate me. And now I'm a little completely terrified of going after this something that I want. I used to think that it was just because of the fear of the unknown, but as I read my bestie's email, I learned that it's actually fear of rejection and fear of failure. All of my insecurities that hinder me from taking risks originate from the possibility that something won't go the way I want them to go or that my ego will be bruised when I face rejection.

So now that I know all of this, the same question remains. Will I find the courage to let go and take that plunge or will I remain in my safety zone?

Lesson 37: Happy Birthday

People who know me know that one of my best friends, Akash, passed away back in 2007. I miss him a lot and think of him every day, but I also believe that he's always here with me, and more importantly, all the great things that he taught me in our friendship are still here with me, too.

Akash would have been 29 today, and I know for a fact that if he were still with us, I would have picked on him for being a year away from thirty. Despite the fact that he's away in heaven looking down on us, I still feel the urge to celebrate his birthday in one way or another, whether it's just writing on his Facebook wall or chatting with people who knew him best.

Anyway, the most important and most meaningful lesson that Akash taught me was the ability to believe, in dreams, in our peers and in myself. I know for a fact that it's an ongoing lesson. Even now when I doubt myself, I hear him say "Come on...you can do this" or "You're better than this." There are so many things that I do now that I'm sure he would laugh at, things that he would push me a little harder for and maybe even some things he would be proud of. In any case, I know for a fact that his spirit is out there somewhere still believing in me.

Lesson 36: Extraordinary

BP Oil spill. Kidnappings. Missing children. A bad economy. Unemployment. Two wars.

When we scan the news channels today, it seems like there's an awful lot of bad news. But today I am spending a good portion of my evening researching nonprofit organizations, and all I see is good news. I am completely inspired by the things that people who work in the nonprofit sector
are accomplishing. Here are a few that I learned about today:

Kids Who Give-Kidz Who Give is a national program celebrating and rewarding kids who are active in their communities! These youth being celebrated by this organization range from kids who have organized other young volunteers to kids collecting books to give to underprivileged communities.

Everybody Wins DC-Everybody Wins supplies children in the DC area with positive role model who reads to DC youth and inspires them to read. Volunteering through books? Sounds like a winner to me!

Kidz Helping Kids-Kidz Helping Kids educates and partners with children and adults globally, who want to be the difference. When I perused through this site I read about kids who were collecting money for children being trafficked in Ghana, sending books to the Philippines and starting pen pal programs with children who went through Hurricane Katrina.

DC Scores-DC Scores is pretty special in that it links athletics with academics. Through soccer, poetry & service-learning, DC SCORES inspires youth to lead healthy lifestyles, be engaged students, & become agents of change in the community.

And the best part is that these organizations that focus on teaching kids how to become agents of change early in life are just the "tip of the iceberg." There are so many young people who are working to make a difference. And these are the people who can grow up to fix things like the environmental disasters, financial meltdowns and violence.

I'm completely inspired by the organization I Got Heart, which gives grants up to $500 known as Heart Awards, to young people in the DC for service projects that they design. And just so it doesn't seem like this is just a platform for an organization I love, I've gotta say that in researching these organizations, the greatest thing I've learned from this lesson is that there is hope. There's hope in this generation. There's hope that things will get better. And there's hope that the young people will grow up to be compassionate and concerned citizens prepared to address the problems of the decades to come not because they have to but because they have the heart to do so.

Lesson 35: Let's Get Physical!

Today I learned that despite going on regular runs, I am in horrible physical shape. How do I know this? After work I took my 6 year old nephew and my 15 year old niece to the neighborhood park. There was a full-fledged playground with monkey bars, swingsets, and all that good stuff. I realized that I can't make it all the way across the monkey bars. When I was in the third grade, I aced the physical fitness test and could do 8 chinups with no help. I can't do those anymore. (Pretty sure I still hold the record for the sit and reach though. Some things never change.) The big kicker was when we decided to race across the field and I came in dead last. So embarrassing!

So, I've decided that I'm seriously going to start getting more physically fit. I've always been apprehensive to do so because I've always been afraid of losing too much weight. (Really, what size pants is there to wear when a zero is too small?) But I figure I can sacrifice the numbers on scales or on clothes to be more physically active.

*Googling Zumba Classes...and legwarmers*

Lesson 34: All the Single Babies

Today while reading an article in Time Magazine titled One and Done I learned that the average cost of raising a child BEFORE they go off to college s $286, 050. It made me wonder: "Am I crazy for still wanting to have kids?"

I've been around enough kids of all ages to know that they're not perfect angels all the time. In the first few years they cry, they poop, they eat their snot (others may prefer glue), they don't know the difference between a paper towel and an Hermes scarf. They will wipe their grubby hands on either. When they get a little older, they need to be occupied all the time or they will constantly bug you with the way they turn any one syllable word into a two syllable whine: "I'm bo-oored." Then they grow attitudes and you're not good enough for anything. They tell you they hate you and that you're not allowing them to grow up. As they go from diapers to diplomas they drain your bank accounts as they plead for clothes and toys they just "have to have" and then wear/play with them once or twice before tossing them into the corner of the closet, never to be seen again.

I've also asked myself if I need to have kids to be satisfied when I work with them. And the question is still "Yes." I want kids of my own one day. I want to know what it feels like to be called Mommy and know what it feels like to call someone "my son" or "my daughter." I want to know that among what I hope is going to be many accomplishments, the ones I will be most proud of carry my genetics. And how amazing is it that two people can come to the hospital and then leave as three?

Lesson 33: Imperfect

We're told time and time again that nobody's perfect, yet we expect perfection in so many people and things. In middle school, we make fun of the kid with zits. The skinny kid with glasses gets bullied in high school. The adults with the slimmer bank account gets shunned at the office party.

But today's lesson teaches me that expecting perfection only leads to disappointment. Imperfections, scars, blemishes make people unique. They make them real. And they make them human. Those scars indicate some kind of past challenges, and if a person can overcome challenges, that makes them stronger. If a person is lacking something, it makes the quest towards finding that something more enjoyable.

So maybe the lesson should be not to seek perfection but to find the value in imperfection not only in other people but also in ourselves.

Lesson 32: This Used to be My Playground

I just got home from watching Toy Story 3...Can we please have a moment of silence for all the toys of our childhood that went into the landfills? Goodbye See and Say. Goodbye Lite Brite. Goodbye Peaches and Cream Barbie. Goodbye little pretend lunchbox. You will forever live in my memories.

I'm not gonna lie. I shed a few tears because I recalled a few more lessons that I need to relearn.

1.) Old friends are the most loyal friends. People come and go into your life, but the ones who were there from the beginning are the ones that never let you down.

2.) Sometimes life is better when it's simpler. No need for bright and shiny gadgets to play with. All you really need is a cardboard box and a wild imagination.

3.) People act like punks because they've had rough pasts. You can't always blame their sour behavior on current circumstances.

4.) Good people can fall under the influence of not so good people, but if they have those loyal old friends, they can always bounce back.

5.) Goodbye doesn't have to mean forever. Yes, our childhoods are in the past, but that doesn't mean we can't ever revisit them.

I've heard time after time this business of growing up and "putting away childish things." And yes, there are some aspects of our youth that we don't need to take into adulthood, but I don't think that we should ever completely abandon the innocence that our made our early years so sweet. Those playgrounds of our youth need to be revisited in order to maintain our sanity in our adult years. And it never hurts to look back and just remember.

Lesson 31: Lemons out of Lemonade

Summertime seems to be the best time to learn how to make bad things into good things, so today I'm sharing a couple of not so great things that turned out to be fine:

1.) While making pancakes for breakfast, I dropped the fork I was using and lost some of the batter. I didn't want to start all over, so I opened up the freezer and pulled out some hash browns to eat instead. They tasted good.
Hi Tip!
2.) The dress I had set out to wear to work today got wrinkled. I hate ironing, so instead of ironing it, I got innovative and used my hair straightener to smooth it out. You'd never know the difference!

3.) While getting some ice cream for dessert after lunch, I broke the cone. I decided to crush the cone, stick it in the bowl and put the ice cream on top. Tastes just as good!

So at the end of the day, the lesson is that you may not get what you want. And that's okay. You can always turn it into something just as good or even better. And sometimes, exactly what you wanted still makes it way to you.

Lesson 30: I've Got a Secret!

Today I learned that NOBODY in my family can keep a secret--except for me, of course. ;-)

Also learning that sometimes it's good to keep secrets to oneself for a while before deciding to share them with someone--even a trusted someone. Sometimes it's just good to let those "sweet nothings" (or whatever) marinate in your brain for a while before they come out all juicy and tasty!

Lesson 29: Do You Know What Your Legislators are Doing?

An email from a colleague recently crossed my desk regarding H.R. 3359, the US and the World Education Act. H.R. 3359 is designed to raise student achievement in international education by a) increasing competence and literacy of school teachers and b) supporting curricular and extra-curricular programs that supplement international education. Pretty good cause, huh?

In the email was a statement from a congressman who said "If you think that your input doesn't count, imagine that in my office, we NEVER hear from constituents on about 98% of all the bills that make its way through the legislature. 98%!!!"

Although the number is probably an estimate, I was shocked to learn that statistic. During my time as a political science major and my volunteer time with organizations such as APIA Vote, I became very interested in civic participation and having a voice. We do have a government that is, after all, by the people and for the people, so why wouldn't I want to participate?

It seems that we often take advantage of the fact that we have so much freedom to petition our government freely. Not everyone has that, you know? And nations that aren't blessed with this privilege are willing to fight for it. It seems that the more we're denied these freedoms, the more we value them. Since we as Americans have always had this allowance, is it true that we don't value it as much?

Why, for instance, does voter turnout decrease during non-presidential elections when the elections for Congressmen and local office are more likely to affect constituents? In a crucial time in our history when our nation is at a significant turning point, I urge all Americans to participate in the civic process, make their representatives earn their money and use their voices to advocate legislation that matters to them.

Lesson 28: Best Friend, Part II

My first post about friends, Lesson 15, talked about different kinds of friends. After receiving an email from my best friend who literally lives on the other side of the world, I was inspired to write another.

I have heard time after time that happily married couples marry their "best friends." I think that's a beautiful concept, but I have a best friend. She's great, but I'm not going to marry her. Instead, I think I'm going to marry someone who is a good combination of the tough love, hang out, work and best friend. It would be nice to be able to come home to someone who's willing to show up in public with me, listen to everything I have to say and tell me the honest (and sometimes harsh) truth not out of frustration but out of love. I wouldn't call him my best friend. I'd just call him my husband.

Again, as I recall the original purpose of this blog, to prove that it's possible to learn something new every day, I'm realizing that what I want from the man I'll ultimately spend the rest of my life with will change. It's not to say that I don't still want to learn from someone or that I don't want to be able to laugh with someone. I'm still learning about this whole 'til death do us part thing. But maybe that kind of love isn't about placing expectations on someone you haven't met yet. To be honest, I can't say I'm sure I know what it's all about yet. But once I find him, I'll accept him as he is because I am sure he'd do the same for me. Friends do that for each other, right? Sometimes it's those little imperfections in people that we eventually learn the most from. And besides, how incredibly boring would marriage be if you got everything you wanted on day one? Where's the adventure in that?

Lesson 27: Pretty Girl

Today while watching Oprah I learned that women around the world face all kinds of pressures to live up to "being beautiful." They go through rituals as extreme as drinking cow urine, leg lengthening, or letting fish eat dead skin cells off of their feet in the name of beauty. I can't say I'm one to just throw the makeup brushes aside, but I definitely draw the line a few feet before I even get close to drinking cow urine.

The show also featured a French model dealing with anorexia who was literally skin and bones because a designer told her she needed to lose weight. And Lisa Ling went to Shanghai and visited a Barbie store where young Chinese girls said that they like Caucasian dolls better than Chinese dolls because of their blue eyes.

I often ask why people place so much value on money rather than kindness or love, and a friend of mine said that it's because money is easily quantifiable but it's hard to find the measurement for kindness or love. But as women in China decide that they need to look more "western," I have to wonder, how do you quantify beauty and who gets to decide that?

***WARNING: I'M ABOUT TO BE VERY VULNERABLE***

As an adult, I compare myself to others and put myself at a solid six on the appearance scale. When I was a kid, I struggled a lot with the way I looked. I knew I wasn't the pretty girl. There were times when I was told it was a good thing I was smart because I wasn't pretty. So I buried myself in books as I was passed up by the boys for the cheerleaders. Even today, I know I'll never be a fashion model (too short) or a Victoria's Secret Model (too boy-shaped). I'm okay with that...until someone else says that it's not good enough to just be smart or to just be "big-hearted." Despite their efforts to love themselves, why are women made to feel inadequate when they're not rockin' a size 2 with perfect breasts, full lips and flowing hair to there?

I guess that this post isn't just to tell you all that I learned about women drinking cow urine today. (Although that was a pretty eye-opening lesson in itself) It's also to ask why this unquantifiable thing of beauty is such a determining factor in creating relationships and advancing in social status. It's to say that it infuriates me when I'm passed up because of the way I look in favor of a conventionally pretty girl. And what would happen to me if I weren't a six? What if I rated myself at a two? Would I have a job? Would I have friends?

They say that half of a woman's beauty is her confidence, but I have to wonder how is she supposed to be able to build that confidence if she's constantly told that she isn't the pretty girl?

Lesson 26: Happy 4th of July

Today's lesson of the day came early as I, in all my bright-eyed bushy-tailedness woke up to Good Morning America's 4th of July celebration. There was a report on the Declaration of Independence and the good people at the Smithsonian who were working on restoring the original document. It turns out that the phrase "my fellow citizens" was part of a draft of the Declaration of Independence that never made it into the final copy.

But underneath the word "citizens" was another word that until recently, historians couldn't quite make out. It turns out that Thomas Jefferson had originally written "subjects" but later smudged the word and replaced it with "citizens" so as not to reference the colony's relationship with England.

Another fact that I learned today from my newspaper: Thomas Jefferson died on 4th of July.

Lesson 25: Greek Gods

I believe that Greek mythology is one of the most fascinating things in literature. I remember being in the 5th grade and being assigned a report on Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. Unfortunately, I don't remember much about that project aside from some story about an apple and drawing a picture of her coming out of the ocean.
Are you still reading between the lines? Lessons should be retained!
Anyway, all those classics are great because they provide some insight into references and even words that are still used in the English language today. A couple of things I learned today:

Morpheus was the god of sleep, so that's where we get the word "morphine," and to say that someone is "In the arms of Morpheus" is to mean that someone is in a deep sleep.
How come Morpheus never visits me?
The Greek figure Tantalus would steal nectar and ambrosia from Zeus to bring it back to his people. He also offered his son as a sacrifice to the gods by cutting him up and serving him to the gods to eat. Although Tanalus's son was brought back to life by Demeter, the gods were so angered by Tantalus that he was severely punished by being made to stand in a pool of water under a fruit tree just out of his reach. When he tried to reach for the fruit, the branches raised and when he tried to have a sip of water from the pool, the waters receded.

The name "Tantalus" is the origin of the English verb "to tantalize," inferring that people who were tantalized were reaching for something just out of reach that they could never have.
And sometimes I feel like I'm being tantalized by a Greek figure of my own who is just out of my reach.

Lesson 24: Objects in the Rearview Mirror

They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Technically, that's true. But I've started to wonder if first impressions should carry as much weight as they do.

I've been meeting a lot of people, and obviously I rate their first impressions. Sometimes they're good and sometimes they're not so good, but one thing is consistent. They're not accurate. There have been people I've met who made great first impressions; people who impressed me or made me want to get to know them better. A few months, weeks, or even days later I don't want to know them at all and struggle in figuring out how to cut them out of my life. Others make not so great first impressions, somehow make it through to round two and make me feel like I've known them my whole life.

So what is this business of first impressions? People come to job interviews in suits and after getting the job may revert to business casual. People primp for first dates and then feel all right with jeans and t-shirts by date 5. Maybe it has to do with comfort level. At some point you ditch the perfect look and get so comfortable that you're sitting in your underwear on the couch with a bucket of chicken.

Maybe rather than giving so much weight to first impressions, we should treat people the way we treat objects in the rearview mirror. You can make use of that first glance but only after you check your blind spot. Because don't people deserve (or at least require) a second glance?

Lesson 23: You Learn Something New Every Day, Eh

You can learn a lot of things from the trending topics on Twitter. No, I'm not talking about the uknowyourfromatlif ones that drive me crazy because of the grammatical errors. I'm talking about the global ones where people talk about what's going on in their current events.

For instance, today I learned that it's Canada Day. On July 1, our neighbors to the north celebrate a national holiday celebrating the anniversary of the July 1, 1867, enactment of the British North America Act (or Constitution Act, 1867), which united two British colonies and a province of the British Empire into Canada. That said, I guess you can say that July 1 is Canada's birthday. So, that also means that Americans living in the northern border states are going to have quite a weekend being in the environment of two celebrations of independence. I can taste the maple syrup now...