Lesson 84: Layers

Every morning before I go to work, I like to read the newspaper and complete the crossword and sudoku puzzles enclosed in the Life section. Sure, this part of my daily routine makes me feel like I'm 40 years old, but it's become a good way to start the morning because it helps get my brain going...and I learn a lot of things. When I got to the Life section with pen in hand, an article about what kids are wearing back to school caught my eye.

So, every Tuesday, the Life section of my hometown's newspaper focuses on something about kids. Today it was about back to school clothes. I have no problem with kids wanting to be hip and stylish, but I question whether the classroom is the place for that. Who is that little girl puckering at?

This photo made me think of Mean Girls. The little girl in the silver boots is the Queen Bee and the blond wants to be like her. And plus, when was it appropriate for kids to sit on their desks like that? We got in trouble for sitting on desks when I was these kids' age.

What's with the positioning of these kids? Is this kid there to hit on little girls, or is he there to learn?

Granted, I know that this spread was done in the name of the fashion. But still, I can't help but wonder why, when learning is the focus in schools, fashion is so important. After reviewing this article, I've learned that I am a strong advocate for dress codes and uniforms in schools, whether they be private, public, or parochial. Sure I want my child to have an outlet for self expression, but the classroom isn't a runway.

Aside from the dress code portion, I'm disappointed in the photo shoot itself. These kids can't be older than 7-8 years old, but they're puckering for the camera with a hand on their popped hip. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture? Am I overreacting? Should school be a place where you should be worried about what you're wearing? I've always been of the belief that if you look neat and clean, you're more prepared to work hard. The opposite happens when  you're just worried about the way you look.

On the flip side, the Life section did have a positive article (albeit much smaller than the fashion one) about a show called Sesame Square starting in Nigeria. Now Nigerian youth will have its own version of Elmo and Rosita in puppets named Kami and Zobi as they learn about AIDS, malaria nets, gender equality and yams. Yes, the article actually referenced yams.

Lesson 83: The Left Side of the Road

Today, while sitting at a coffee shop with a coworker and one of the teens we work with, I learned about why some countries drive on the left side of the road. The teen, a 17-year old male, said that it had to do something with cutting people's heads off. I didn't believe him, so of course I Googled it. This is what I learned:

In the past, almost everybody travelled on the left side of the road because that was the most sensible option for feudal, violent societies. Since most people are right-handed, swordsmen preferred to keep to the left in order to have their right arm nearer to an opponent and their scabbard further from him.

Turns out he wasn't TOO far off. But then I noticed this map of which side of the road people drive on around the world:

Apparently, a lot of these countries that now drive on the right side used to drive on the left side as well for the same reasons mentioned above or because they were colonized by a country that drove on the left. (I'm looking at you, Great Britain!) But why have they maintained that custom? What if the drivers in the orange countries have a sword hidden somewhere? Good thing I have eyes everywhere.

Lesson 82: Humble

Today I learned that the origin of the English word "Humble" is the Latin word "Humus," which means dirt. Good to know.

Lesson 81: Maybe it Hurts for a Reason

Who says you can't learn anything from television?

Lesson 80: Unpretty

My life is filled with disappointments, frustrations and challenges...and metaphors. My life would not be complete without metaphors.

I have said often that "You must take the stairs in this thing called life. There is no elevator to the top."

I've always loved that quote because it reminds me that you can't really excel without hard work and determination. Then I had another revelation--"There is no delete button in life. What's done is done, and what's said is said."

I also believe that, "Good books show wear and tear because they've been read over and over again by numerous people. The boring books stay on the shelf"

Fourth, I've always said that "Scars are not reminders of pain; they are reminders of survival."

And today I realized what I'm going to look like once I get to the top. I'll be sweaty from climbing all those stairs. I'll have a lot of lines crossed out and written over. The pages from these chapters in my life will be dog-eared and torn. And I'll have a whole lot of scars from where I've been scratched, pushed, beaten and bruised.

But I'd be wrong to end this post without one last thing: The struggle is beautiful.

Lesson 79: Goodbyes

My godmother passed away this past Tuesday of cancer. I heard that when it was getting closer to the end, she would see her husband, who had passed eight years prior, and he would come to her and touch her cheek.

Initially, I thought it was a little bit eerie, but in hindsight, it's kind of sweet. Having belief in an afterlife has always given me hope that I'd see the ones I love who went before me when it's my time. I've always said, time after time, that I don't believe in goodbyes. I used to think it was because I just didn't want to let go, but today I learned that it's because when you have a belief in an afterlife, there's no such thing as a goodbye. There's only see you later. Rest in Peace until it's my time, too.

Mama has told me a couple of times that when she held Akash after he died, she saw Jesus, and she knew that it wasn't for her. It was for her boy. And it's that kind of experience that makes her believe that when it's her time, her boy will be there to greet her. That's what makes her tell people, and even Molly "It's okay. You'll see him again." I don't believe in goodbyes because they just don't exist.

Lesson 78: Not All Doors are Created Equally

Today I learned that despite having worked at my current place of employment for five years, there are several doors that I am not familiar with. Not only did I not have keys to these portals until recently, but I also had no idea how to open, close or properly lock them. Today I literally spent ten minutes trying to lock a closet door that I recently gained access to, only to find that it has a latch up towards the top that I can barely reach. I'm sure that if anyone saw me, they were laughing. Also, on the way out of another business that I collaborate with, I got lost and ended up in the middle of a courtyard instead of the parking lot. When I tried to get back in the door I had come out of, it was locked. I then had to get entrance into another door in order to finally get back to my work base. If you don't hear from me soon, it means I have inadvertently worked my way to Narnia.

Lesson 77: Popcorn

Today after work I decided I wanted a little snack, so I stuck a bag of popcorn in the microwave and punched the popcorn button. Since it had been a long time since I had made popcorn, I wasn't sure if the popcorn button would actually pop the majority of the bag. It didn't. Without even opening the bag, I was disappointed at the ratio of kernels to popped corn. I decided to ignore the warning on the bag not to re-heat  and stuck it back in the microwave for another minute. I have now learned the reason why you're not supposed to re-pop a bag of already popped popcorn. Not only does it not pop any more kernels, but it also burns the popped corn AND the bag. It also makes your entire house smell like a big mistake in the Orville Reddenbacher factory. I seriously thought I was going to have to carry my microwave outside to make the odor go away.

Lesson of the Day: Those warnings on products are there for a reason...and the smell of burnt popcorn makes you not want to eat it anymore.

Lesson 76: Not a Hunter

I've said it once, and I'll say it again. This whole learn something new every day process has taught me a lot of things, but most of all, it has taught me about myself.

I've realized that I'm definitely not a hunter. I don't like to go out in search of what I might like. Instead, I have goal in mind before I go out and I aim only for that. I don't step out of my comfort zone a whole lot, and I don't take a lot of risks. I prefer to stick with what I know. My life doesn't consist of series of exciting events. I tend to play it safe, and while this might sound like a logical thing, I'm realizing that it leaves me with few choices. I have no Plan B, C or D, which means one thing or another: I will work so hard that I will eventually complete Plan A or I will miss out on completing Plans B, C. or D, which may be equally as good.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads: Should I become a hunter or should I stick with my bow and arrow, aiming at the one bullseye that I know I want?

Lesson 75: Candle in the Wind

Sometimes that spark that you've been nurturing just starts to fade out and it's no one's fault. No one tries to blow it out. The light just starts to flicker and you're at a tipping point where you're not sure if the light is going to go out or continue to burn brightly.

That's how it goes when something that once interested you just doesn't burn as brightly as you thought it would. You stand at a crossroads trying to decide if you should help the process along one way or another or if you should just let it go its course naturally.

Lesson 74: A Heart's Best Friend

Today I learned that chocolate consumption is linked to lower blood pressure, lower levels of bad cholesterol and reduced risk of stroke and heart attack. The flavonoids found mostly in dark chocolate, keep blood vessels flexible and reduce the clumping of platelets that block heart arteries.

So there really are scientifically proven health benefits to eating chocolate. I guess that chocolate bonbons aren't just for getting over a broken heart. Hershey Kisses can help strengthen it, too.

Lesson 73: The Chase

I've said time and time again that women should make men chase them when it comes to relationships. I've also said that women shouldn't be coy and should "leave breadcrumbs" when they're interested.

In these situations, you begin to wonder "What now?" I'm not a quitter, but I'm also not the type who wants to be the follower or someone that someone else can walk all over, especially when it comes to a relationship. Today I learned that in this game known as "the chase," there is a round where I have to choose  between swallowing my pride and getting over my desire.

Lesson 72: Benefits

Today I learned that when filling out paperwork for benefits it's best to call someone to help you decipher what exactly all that fine print means. No shame. No shame at all in calling a relative who has worked in HR to ensure that you're getting the most out of your brand new benefits package!

Lesson 71: Be Nice

I got home from a trip 13 hours after I was supposed to. After plane malfunctions, vouchers and dealing with numerous airline officials, I came to one conclusion: It always pays to be nice.

Of course, we're always told to be nice and to remember our manners, but at the same time we're told to stick up for ourselves and never let anyone walk over us. When those two lessons of not being a wallflower collide, the result is almost always people who love to yell in order to get their way.

Case in point: After a delayed flight, I found myself running from one terminal gate to another. I reached the gate of my departing flight just as they had closed the door. "Sorry. This flight's closed," the official at the counter said. Right as I was thinking, "Oh no...not again," a group of four people came rushing in and DEMANDED to be allowed on the flight. The group included a man threatening to never use the airline again and a woman who made me SICK by lying and saying she "had to be at a funeral." All I could do was look at this poor woman behind the counter who was having to handle these people because of an issue that was out of her control. Still, she handled the situation professionally and never once raised her voice. As she was on the computer trying to do what she can, I looked at her nametag, called her by name and said, "I know you're doing the best you can, and I really appreciate that. I'm going to take a seat. When you have this situation settled, please let me know." She looked at me and said, "You know what? I'm gonna get you on this flight." And she did. Lesson of the day: You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. Be nice to people."

Lesson 70: No Coincidences

After this weekend, there is no way that I can believe in coincidences. There are some things that are just meant to happen without any kind of explanation.

Every time I leave a certain place, it rains. Today when I tried to leave it, I was and won't be able to leave until tomorrow. When I checked the date, I realized why. And now there are times when I wonder if I'm ever supposed to leave at all. I've always believed in a higher power and the supernatural. I just wasn't sure if those powers were meant to tell us where we're supposed to be when we're at the crossroads.

Lesson 69: Courtship

This was seriously the first image that came up when I Googled "courtship."

Whenever I see couples who have a good relationship, I ask them about how they met and how they fell in love. I know one couple that has been married for 30-something years and have had two children. I asked the mom how she met her husband. Here's the story:

She met her husband through her older sister, who had brought home a male classmate one day. The sister was asking her mom if she could go to a picnic with her classmates, and in between debates about whether or not she would be allowed to attend said function, her younger 16 year old came bounding into the home. She had been outside running around with the boys and had her hair tied up in pigtails. The mother them said, "You can go to this picnic if you take your younger sister." In order to spite her older sister, she said, "I wanna go!" All the while, the male was watching this younger sister and apparently fell in love right then and there.

The male started to court her by sending her books through her sister. They got married within four years and have been together ever since.

Learning this story made me think about current dating habits in comparison to the so-called "old fashioned courtship." I don't know which is better...or if one is better than another. On the one hand, you have courtship where a man pursues one woman exclusively and on the other, you have dating which can consist of dating multiple individuals at once to see what you want in a relationship. On the surface, dating seems like the better choice because it allows  more flexibility and lets you "narrow down the field," but there's something to say about courtship. If a man is selective and willing to pursue one and only one woman in attempts to get her attention, does it mean that he's less likely to give up on the relationship if challenges arise? And when a man simply dates, does it mean that he isn't sure yet of what he wants?

I can't say I learned the answers to these questions, but I'm curious about why "courtship" that was more prevalent in previous generations has wavered. Divorce rates are higher. People are dating more and getting married later. Were things better back then when creating relationships was more selective? Or are times really changing to the point where those tactics don't work? Despite my desire to be a strong, independent woman, I guess there's a part of me that still has a hopeless romantic living inside.

Lesson 68: Scotchbonnets

While chomping on some amazing Indian food and being told to avoid a certain dish because the host knew that I couldn't handle it (I love it when people know me well), I learned that scotchbonnets are the hottest peppers on the planet.They have 100,000-350,000 Scoville rating while jalapenos have a Scoville rating of 2500-8000. Apparently, you have to wear gloves to handle them. I guess that means they're "too hot to handle." Ba-dum bum!

Lesson 66: Dates

I am a cradle Catholic. I was born Catholic and will likely die Catholic. Nonetheless, I've always been tolerant of other religions and find their beliefs and traditions interesting. I like to learn about why people believe what they do and where those beliefs come from.

In particular, I've had a lot of Muslim friends, and I wonder why they do what they do, too. For instance, how do they know which way to face when they pray? How do they know when they can break their fasts during Ramadan? And why do they eat a date to break that fast? I learned that last tidbit when I asked a good friend of mine why he carried dates with him during our road trip from his hometown of Kissimmee to Jacksonville. After jokes about dates and blind dates, it turns out that Muhammad ate a date to break his fast, so Muslims carry on that tradition. There was also a time when I thought that dates were just dried figs. Turns out they're actually a real fruit.

Look at that--two lessons in one day.

Lesson 65: Second Homes

Today after a long flight to what I have dubbed my "second home," I learned a few things about having a secondary place where you "hang your heart."

1.) First and foremost, a second home comes complete with a second family. They'll pick you up from the airport, tease you on the way home and make you wash their dishes. In short, when you encounter your second family on the way home, it's as if you never left them in the first place.

2.) The door is always open and unlocked.

3.) The food is out on the table. You're expected and encouraged to serve yourself.

4.) The bed is made and a fresh towel and bar of soap are available.

5.) You know where everything is.

6.) In some cases, it's better than your first home because you know you're there  to be relaxed, be taken care of and be loved.

My second home is in a special place that came out of a less than perfect circumstance. Despite those unideal circumstances, I know that I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. I won't stop going there either.

Lesson 64: Needs

Today I learned the unfortunate fact that some charities in Washington are only able to operate in the counties in which they have offices. If there is no need in that county, they are unable to bring their services to areas where the need is greater but do not have an office. What a dumb rule.

Lesson 63: Entitlements

Today I learned that no matter how good you are or how loyal you have been to a person, cause or organization, you are never entitled to anything. The only expectation you should have is that you will be required to work hard and earn what you want.

I was put into a position where I expected to receive something just because I thought I deserved it. But a life lesson smacked me in the face, wagged its finger and pushed me back before I could snatch it. Rather than simply being handled this something on a silver platter, I had to follow the same process as anyone else and wait until I earned rather than simply received it. While I would have liked to take the easy way, I'm glad that I was forced to earn it because it made getting it that much more special.

Lesson 61: Special Occasions

Today I heard a pretty awesome story that introduced me to an interesting perspective on "special occasions."

There was once a woman who died at the young age of 25. Her fiancee was devastated but wanted to be a part of the funeral preparations. The woman's sister asked him to go to the woman's bedroom to select a dress for her to be buried in. The man went to the closet and started looking through the dresses hanging there. He came across a beautiful silk dress and noticed that the price tag was still attached. Stunned at the price, he removed it from the closet and placed it on the bed. As he ran his fingers across the soft material, he noticed a note pinned to it that read, "For special occasions only."

He realized that his fiancee had never had a chance to wear this gorgeous dress that she had spent a small fortune on because she was waiting for the perfect moment to wear it.

When the woman's sister returned to the room, he angrily slammed the closet door closed and said, "Don't EVER save things for special occasions."

Despite our intentions to save things for special times in our life, those special times may never come...or they may come when it's too late for us to thoroughly enjoy them. It's important to realize that every moment we're alive is a special occasion.

Lesson 60: Believe

Today, while reading a New York Times article, I learned that a child drops out of high school every 26 seconds an that the United States has dropped to #12 among developed nations in 25-34 year olds with a college degree. Aside from being shocked, I was embarrassed.

However, I also finished reading Whatever It Takes by Paul Tough. While the stories of the students and their parents really stick with me, the thing that I remember first and foremost, is the Promise Academy's creed:

I promise to always dream out loud, To lift my head and be proud. And never end up a face in the crowd.

I thought about the first eighth grade class reciting that together at their graduation and imagined what their faces looked like as they lived through that moment. And I though that it was a huge promise not only to themselves but to the people who had witnessed their journey. Sure, the path was strewn with thorns and forked paths, but at some point, someone had to believe that they would make it to that point despite the challenges and despite the odds stacked against them.

What made Geoffrey Canada believe that he could, in essence, save a generation of poor children in Harlem is exactly what we need now. With the American economy in less than optimal shape and nations racing to be the best in the world, there is no excuse for not believing in whatever it takes to succeed. And with the Harlem Children's Zone reaching the successes that it has reached, there's no reason why we shouldn't believe that big dreams can come true with the proper leaders, plan and drive to make it happen.

Lesson 59: Love

I was thinking about this blog this morning. I'm not thinking it's ridiculous or that the premise is stupid. I am, however, starting to question its origin.

Everyday I've been trying to identify something new that I've learned. I figure that if I'm lucky enough to find an extraordinary man, marriage won't be quite like that. Am I really going to stop at the end of every day and ask myself, "Did I learn something from my husband today?" If I do, the marriage probably isn't working out. Not that I know for sure but something tells me there are way better things to do in a marriage than seeing if pre-nuptial expectations are being met.

Maybe I'll get married one day and maybe I'll learn something new from the man I'll spend the rest of my life with everyday. But if I don't, I don't think I'll love him any less, especially if he's still willing to love me unconditionally.

The most important lesson of all in this little experiment: Love matters more than learning...Actually, love matters more than anything...and it makes you think and do crazy things that matter only because love is present.

Lesson 58: Surprises

Surprises can be happy or sad. They can be extravagant or subtle. Some people love surprises. Others, not so much. The content of said surprises matters, as does the time you deliver them.


Today I had the chance to surprise someone with some good news, and her reaction was heartwarming. She was so gracious and grateful for the good news, and I couldn't help but be happy for her. On the other hand, I don't think that some people don't do well with surprises when they come at 6 in the morning. Maybe they do better when they come at other times. Who knows? But the big lesson here is that I'm capable of pulling off a surprise (or am I?)

Lesson 57: Incept This!

 Last night I had a dream about giving birth to a precious baby girl. When she was only two days old, she was able to lift her head and roll over all by herself. Of course I woke up early this morning wondering what having such a precocious baby girl  for a daughter could possibly mean, so I looked it up on DreamMoods. This is what I learned.

Baby

To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings.  Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted. 

If you dream that you are on your way to the hospital to have a baby, then it signifies your issues of dependency and your desires to be completely cared for. Perhaps you are trying to get out of some responsibility. If you are pregnant in real life, then a more direct interpretation may simply mean that you are experiencing some anxieties of making it to the hospital when the time comes. 

That's just a portion of the definition that I pulled from the site. It amazes me that there are actual fields for analyzing dreams. My initial thought after having this dream was simply that I must have been reading to the baby girl while she was still in my womb and that was what caused her advanced development.

Ultimate lesson of the story: Read to your kids.

Lesson 56: Size Matters

Today I was reading Whatever It Takes by Paul Tough and came across the following passage:

"You have to walk in the door with a take-no-prisoners, I'm-in-charge, move-over-a-new-sheriff's-in-town, let-me-at-them attitude."

Pinder was a burly African American in his late thirties with a reputation as a disciplinarian....He wore a tan suit, perfectly tailored to his substantial frame.

This man, Glen Pinder, was charged with turning the Promise Academy charter school in the Harlem Children's Zone around and raising test scores, two daunting tasks that required a lot of structured leadership and unprecedented expectations from students (and parents) who were previously dismissed as hopeless cases.

And while the book is great and I'm enjoying every minute of it, I thought instead about size in relation to leadership. Clearly, Paul Tough thought that Pinder's "substantial size" was important enough to be mentioned, but I wonder what would have happened if a diminutive principal had walked into that school instead. As a female who is shorter than the average 28-year old woman, I've heard all kinds of short jokes. Most of the time I just let them roll of my shoulder. Sometimes if they're particularly creative, I'll laugh. But then again, some of them really get old. But I felt better when I saw today that there are some advantages to being short:

Shorter people are less likely to break bones when they fall, have faster reaction times, greater ability to accelerate body movements and are less likely to get severely injured in a car accident.

Shorter people have a smaller impact on the environment. It was found that people averaging 6 feet and 190 pounds can impact human survival by creating more pollution and depletion of resources, such as water, energy and oil.

Shorter people live longer. Bigger bodies need more cells and duplication of cells is limited.

Short people have a lower center of gravity, and having a lower center of gravity gives someone better balance and stability.

Aside from these scientific advantages of being vertically challenged, I also found these humorous ones from a taller than average girl:

1) You can buy clothes that actually FIT you. If they're too long, who gives a care, you can hem them, it's not that hard. If they're too short, there's not really anything you can do except add different fabric, and that just looks weird, and you can really tell.

2) It makes you cute. :) You're probably sick of hearing it a lot if that's said to you all the time, but at least it's a positive thing, unlike being called a giant. :\

3) A lot of guys prefer smaller girls. They like to protect them.

4) You can slip away easily in crowds. Positive if you WANT to. Negative if you don't, but it wouldn't be the hardest sticking with your posse.

5) People can pick you up, because you weigh a lot less. You can be piggy-backed and all that fun stuff. :)

6) You tend to have smaller feet, therefore it is a bit easier finding cute shoes rather than looking for huge sized ones.

7) When you're dancing, you don't have to duck while spinning under someone's arms...

8) It's easier to do the limbo! :)

9) You don't get interrupted while working every second of the day to help somebody reach something because they're too lazy to grab a chair to stand on.

So I guess that when it comes to being 4'10, I'll suck it up and wait for someone to grab a piggyback ride from so that I can reach the cookies on top of the fridge. :-)

Lesson 55: We're Not Teenagers Anymore.

Today's lesson is brought to you by the cast of High School Musical.

I'm only a little bit ashamed to admit that I've watched this movie...and I have downloaded it to my computer from iTunes. My niece, who was six at the time of the DVD release went so far as to teach her younger brother (who was three) all the song and dance routines. It was the cutest thing, and they (not Zac Efron--I think he looks like an elf) are the reason why I still have that movie on my laptop. And truth be told, it's actually a really good movie with all the wholesome feelgoodness...and of course, I never say no to bursting into song in the middle of a school. (See previous blog posts about Glee and other musicals)

But anyway, I have been asking friends for advice on various aspects of my life and today I got a great piece of advice: "We're not teenagers anymore. Just say what you want." This is how I learned that in order to get what you want, you have to shed your adolescent insecurities and be willing to stand up for yourself. When the time and conditions are right, there's no need to be afraid of speaking up for yourself. Sometimes you can even get what you want out of speaking up. No need to assume that things won't go your way before you even try to get a hold of them.

"This isn't high school" is right. I was helplessly awkward in high school, and while I can't say that I've got enough self-confidence to supply the cast of High School Musical, I like to think that I've become sure enough of myself to go after what I want. And if I don't get it, my ego won't be as bruised as it was when I didn't go to prom with the guy I had a crush on way back when...Thank God.

And aside from all this, I know I'm not a teenager anymore because some of the people I met in high school weren't so great. They were mean and selfish. And while some people haven't outgrown that kind of behavior (sometimes I wonder if I have outgrown that behavior), I'm pleased to say that there are some great people who have walked into my life that make me want to grow up and be a better person. Like you

Lesson 54: Don't Stop Believin'

My previous post was about how running can make everything better. I found something else that can make everything better when I'm feeling down: Glee reruns. (Gleeruns?)

I loved the season finale when the team decided to sing Don't Stop Believin' (Who doesn't love that song?) As cheesy as it may have been, they decided that despite the way that the odds were stacked against them, they were going to enjoy the journey they had been on and not stop believing in themselves.

The odds were clearly stacked against then with Vocal Adrenaline in the competition and Sue as a judge, but they went on stage anyway. And yeah, they lost regionals. But they came out with some pretty great lessons anyway.

This is why Glee appeals to so many people. There are no expectations of perfection or happy endings. It's all about the life lesson that the kids learn, how they're in it together and how no matter what, they don't stop believing in their journey.

Personally, I've learned that the more I doubt myself, the more I cry, but when I believe in myself, people are more likely to believe in me.