Today while watching Oprah I learned that women around the world face all kinds of pressures to live up to "being beautiful." They go through rituals as extreme as drinking cow urine, leg lengthening, or letting fish eat dead skin cells off of their feet in the name of beauty. I can't say I'm one to just throw the makeup brushes aside, but I definitely draw the line a few feet before I even get close to drinking cow urine.
The show also featured a French model dealing with anorexia who was literally skin and bones because a designer told her she needed to lose weight. And Lisa Ling went to Shanghai and visited a Barbie store where young Chinese girls said that they like Caucasian dolls better than Chinese dolls because of their blue eyes.
I often ask why people place so much value on money rather than kindness or love, and a friend of mine said that it's because money is easily quantifiable but it's hard to find the measurement for kindness or love. But as women in China decide that they need to look more "western," I have to wonder, how do you quantify beauty and who gets to decide that?
***WARNING: I'M ABOUT TO BE VERY VULNERABLE***
As an adult, I compare myself to others and put myself at a solid six on the appearance scale. When I was a kid, I struggled a lot with the way I looked. I knew I wasn't the pretty girl. There were times when I was told it was a good thing I was smart because I wasn't pretty. So I buried myself in books as I was passed up by the boys for the cheerleaders. Even today, I know I'll never be a fashion model (too short) or a Victoria's Secret Model (too boy-shaped). I'm okay with that...until someone else says that it's not good enough to just be smart or to just be "big-hearted." Despite their efforts to love themselves, why are women made to feel inadequate when they're not rockin' a size 2 with perfect breasts, full lips and flowing hair to there?
I guess that this post isn't just to tell you all that I learned about women drinking cow urine today. (Although that was a pretty eye-opening lesson in itself) It's also to ask why this unquantifiable thing of beauty is such a determining factor in creating relationships and advancing in social status. It's to say that it infuriates me when I'm passed up because of the way I look in favor of a conventionally pretty girl. And what would happen to me if I weren't a six? What if I rated myself at a two? Would I have a job? Would I have friends?
They say that half of a woman's beauty is her confidence, but I have to wonder how is she supposed to be able to build that confidence if she's constantly told that she isn't the pretty girl?
They say that half of a woman's beauty is her confidence, but I have to wonder how is she supposed to be able to build that confidence if she's constantly told that she isn't the pretty girl?
ok I'll bite ...
ReplyDeleteI think in terms of relationships, looks translate to genes, and we're hard wired to look for mates that will give our kids the best chances of survival in society - which means good looks. And thus we're all kind of programmed to agree that height, curvy hips, big perky boobs, strong shoulders and a chiseled chin - or all the stuff they screen for at http://www.hotenough.org/ are "attractive." They make one person more valuable than another in the dating pool. That's my understanding of it.
So if you had 2 guys of the exact same personality but one looked like Brad Pitt and the other was, let's say under a 5 on your 0-10 scale - who would you date? Who would you want your kids to have their genes from? Probably the stud muffin. Yeah I said it.
Yet whenever it's brought up in conversation, we generally say, "no...it's personality that matters." Which I'm actually a firm believer of. So what gives? Why do guys ditch those girl-nextdoor sweethearts for the ditzy cheerleaders? Is a part of it to impress others? Is it really a part of the great Darwinian race to have fitter offspring? Or does seeing a beautiful mate every day really increase your quality of life in some other way?
I dunno... all I know is, looks fade. And if you're shooting to date the hottest girl in your school, town, whatever - guess what? You might land her. But then a hotter girl will come along. And you'll want her. Or you'll see a hotter girl on TV and then your wife won't look at pretty anymore. And what you'll have done is landed a wife that will get you high-fives from your guy buddies, but possibly compromised the chance of actually looking for inner qualities that you're compatible with in a partner - which requires putting looks aside.
Of course I'd pick the Brad Pitt. But if the scenario were different and the guys had the same personalities except for one difference with one being Brad Pitt and the other being great with kids, I'd want someone who's great with kids because I value being a good father more than being hot. And I dunno if this is a fair statement, but I think that physically attractive people can use their looks to get away with a lot more than someone who's a two. A pretty girl with a hot body can get out of a ticket, but would it be the same if a girl pulled out her report card and said "But Officer, I have a 4.0"?
ReplyDeleteAnd ok...I'll concede on the genetics argument--of course you want your kids to have a better shot at natural selection. And sure, breasts and hips can indicate fertility. But outside of biology, why does beauty count for so much? Why doesn't the sweet girl next door win over the stupid cheerleader? One of life's unanswered.
And maybe that question of whether or not personality is what matters goes back to that reading between the lines lesson. You know how you said men aren't direct because they don't want to hurt girls? Is that the case here? Men say they like a good personality, but are they just saying that to spare a girl's feelings when what they really want is a hot chick? In thinking about that, I realized the other side of the story--girls aren't direct because they don't want to be hurt. Why should she admit her feelings for a guy if she thinks he's going to turn her down for a ten?
But I think that your ultimate conclusion is right. Looks do fade. But a good heart endures. If only more people thought that way...