Lesson 100: Centennial

So I did it. I've reached 100 posts on this blog. It turns out that its initial purpose doesn't really matter anymore. There were even times when I was blogging and I forgot about the origin in the first place. I guess that's what happens with projects like this.

Of course, I've learned a lot--things that were funny, some that were profound. I had lessons on self-discovery, odd things and even a few painful lessons. In some cases, I confirmed things that I already knew or realized that there were things that I may not be meant to know everything about. There were a few posts that feature poor writing if nothing else, and there were a few that I was hesitant to release but ended up making public anyway. But ultimately, I like to think that my initial hypothesis holds true as long as you are willing to search for something new to learn everyday. Life is willing to offer tons of lessons as long as you are willing to learn.

There were some cases where I realized that what I didn't know was more important than what I did know. There were numerous things that I still don't know, and they make life more challenging, and more painful but ultimately more exciting and more interesting. These things open up new doors, and in doing such, they help me to progress to wherever it is that I will ultimately end up. I've learned that you can't rush these things until they're supposed to come. There's no way of knowing for sure, but I figure that some things that I've always envisioned for my life will come at a time when I am ready for them. It won't be easy waiting for them, but the wait will make them that much sweeter.

Of course, as I reach my 100th post, I look back to my first one, about picking up my pen and starting this project. Will I expect a future husband to teach me something new every day? No. But not having that expectation doesn't mean I won't learn something from him every day. Within these 100 days, I've learned about this man--if he exists at, I just want is to be loved out loud. I want to be needed, and I need to be wanted.

Will I continue with this blog? Maybe. Maybe I'll continue to document things I learn, but given what I've learned, I don't think it's necessary to have expectations of where this (or anything) will go in the future.

Lesson 99: Truth in Cliches

Not even 7:30AM and I've realized that despite my dislike of cliches, there is some truth in them. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder.

Lesson 98: SAT

Today while reading the morning newspaper, I learned a little piece of good news: Washington state has the highest average SAT scores in the nation for the fourth year in a row. In addition, more than half of all eligible Washington state students took the test, a statistic that usually leads to lower test scores.

I've never been a huge advocate of standardized test scores being the sole indicator of success, but I do believe that Washington's accomplishment is significant. There has to be some kind of metric to indicate whether or not students are learning what's supposed to be learned and whether or not teachers are effective in the classroom. Multiple factors should be brought into the equation, but I believe that these test results are a piece of the puzzle in building a better education system in our state. Sure, there are students who learn creatively and don't do well on tests, but the bottom line is that these tests measure the basics of what students should know. And being a "creative learner" who can't pass a standardized test won't get you too far in life...unless you're one of those one in a million artistic talents.

Do we still have a long way to go? Of course we do. But I'll take every little gain because they all matter to that child sitting in that desk.

Lesson 97: Hershey Kisses

I think that by now all of my coworkers know that I like to stash candy in my desk for the midday slump. Hershey Kisses are one of my favorites because they satisfy my chocolate craving without the interference of crunchy nuts or gooey centers (although you can opt for the fancier varieties that include almonds or cherry cordial centers (I don't recommend the latter!)

Today while unwrapping a Hershey Kiss, I noticed that the plume no longer simply bears the "Hershey Kisses" name. Instead, once I pulled that strip of white tissue, I notice that the faded blue writing said "You Rock" and another said "Looking Good." Just what I needed to get motivated for the rest of the day.

Hats off to you, Hershey's marketing department! Way to make give us little self-esteem boosters where we least expect them.

Lesson 96: Invisible Teardrops

I've never been one to show all of my emotions when I've been hurt. There have been times when I think that crying equals weakness, and no one wants to be around a crybaby. But today I came to the realization that no one can go through struggles alone and come out okay.

Humans weren't meant to be alone. Sure we have those moments when that alone time is refreshing, but ultimately, we're better together. And the thing about hiding those sad emotions is that no one can dry invisible tears. It's better to swallow your pride and let those emotions out so that someone can wipe them away.

Lesson 95: Stars Fall, Too

There are so many people in this world who I admire or am even a little jealous of, and I can't help but think my life would be better if I had their circumstances.

But today it hit me:

No matter how great a person seems or how well things seem to be for them, they can still fall. Even people who seem to have perfection down to a T have something about themselves that they'd like to change.

Learning how to be satisfied with what you have may be one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.

Lesson 94: Lies

My brother and I had a long talk today about societal expectations. We spent some time recounting how we were brought up and what life was like when we were kids.

Back then, I didn't expect to be where I am now. I imagined myself living my life in a sequence that women are expected to live it: Graduate from high school. Graduate from college. Become a doctor. Get married. Move into a mansion. Have children...all before the age of 30. Here I am now with less than two years until the big 3-0, and I'm chose not to become a doctor. I'm not married. I don't have kids (unless you count the 4-legged variety) I'm cutting back on my cost of living, so that mansion is nowhere nearby.


Maybe all of those things will come to me one day (except for the doctor thing--I don't do blood), but if they don't, I'm choosing not to accept societal lies that I'm lacking in value just because I didn't meet these expectations that some amorphous "they" set for me. And I learned that such a choice is okay. No matter what, there will be some people who accept me as I am, even if they don't seem like they're nearby.

Lesson 93: Stand Up to Cancer

Who would have thought that 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women will get cancer in their lifetime?

I'm terrified.

Lesson 92: Sensible Shoes?

I love heels. They make me feel grown up, and I feel like people take me more seriously when I wear them. That's why, when I'm in a position where I'm in charge of adults who are older than me, I wear heels. The higher the better. But today, I learned that my new position isn't always conducive to 3-inch heels.

Today I was wearing tan Steve Madden heels. So cute. But heels, coupled with a long work day and going between three different buildings make me realize that I may need more practical footwear. I've never been one to wear flats, but I'm afraid that I might have to start wearing them as I go between the offices. Besides, there's a reason why I like to carry big bags...There's room for shoes. :-)

Lesson 91: Forgiveness

Forgiveness. It seems like I've been surrounded by it a lot lately. Why is it that we're so terrified of making mistakes, even when we'll be forgiven? I'm still in the process of learning that "the hardest part is forgiving yourself."

I sit back and think about someone who hurt me recently, and all I can think about is how he needs to forgive himself. I know he took it hard. He knows that he hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. I still care about him a lot. I've forgiven him. I want him to forgive himself. In the process of all this, I realized that I was angrier at myself than I was at him. I hated my judgment and the way that I allowed myself to be vulnerable.

I guess that this means I'm harder on myself than I am on him. So, my initial assessment remains true: Sometimes the hardest part is forgiving yourself.

Lesson 90: Heart

I've been reflecting these past couple of days about heart, so although these thoughts came early this morning, I guess I'm cheating at my blog again.

People try to do the best they can. They try not to hurt others. But people make mistakes. They disappoint even the people they love and care about, but those disappointments are forgivable if the intentions in their heart are still good. As long as people don't purposely intend to make mistakes, things will be all right in the end.

Lesson 89: Trust

Today while playing with my 3-year old niece, I learned an important lesson in trust.

As an adult, I've never been one to trust people easily. I'm skeptical of people's intentions, and I find it hard to let go of suspicions and just believe them and what they're saying. Granted, this is probably due to the fact that I've had more life experiences and therefore more reasons not to trust people than a 3-year old would, but I was just amazed by how much this little one trusted me. We were playing a game that she appropriately called "fallin'" (she doesn't pronounce "-ing" so well) where she would just fall backwards and I would catch her. She eventually changed the rhythm of the game when she started to fall forward, and I never saw an ounce of fear in her eyes because she believed that much that I would catch her. She would instead just lean backwards (or forward) and laugh as I pretended to drop her but caught her at the last minute.

I'm wondering what it would take to be able to trust like that again. Even in my illogical mind, I can't reconcile trusting everyone all the time, but I would like to know how to trust the people who care about me. Maybe this fallin' business makes more sense than I realize. Maybe you just have to be willing to let go and believe that someone who cares enough will catch you.

Lesson 88: Imagine

According to my 5-year old nephew's knowledge, if you sneeze three times in a row, you'll wake up the giants and the only way to stop them is to burn their house down...but if you really want to escape from them, you have to steal all of their weapons first.

Today while I was playing with my nephew at the local playground, this is the story that he told me. Not only did I learn about what ruffles giants' feathers, I also learned that adults need to be able to imagine as well as kids do. It's not to say that I now believe that there are giants living at the playground or that they'll come after me if I sneeze three times.

I do believe, however, that if adults were willing to let go of the things that keep us from viewing the world through the hopeful eyes of a child, this world would be a lot less tense. Why is it that adults can't solve problems of world hunger, war and greed but a 5-year old can slay dragons and hunt giants? Granted, one is a reality and the other is not, but it seems like something goes away once we hit those rough spots in life. We become more skeptical, and we lose sight of what really matters as we're blinded by fame, and fortune. We stop asking "what if." We stop seeing possibilities in exchange for momentary instant gratification. Value becomes monetary and ceases being intangible.

I guess today was a lesson in humbling myself and just allowing my imagination to run free. Hopefully in the future, I'll get a lesson on where it will take me.

Lesson 87: Fix You

All relationships go through ups and downs. It doesn't matter how good they are. There will be challenges, and the survival of those relationships depends on the people involved.

I recently got hurt by a friend. The pain and the feelings that came with it were inevitable. Being miserable was optional. Today I learned that when it comes to a relationship between two people, outside factors don't matter nearly as  much as what's inside. When the ups come around, you celebrate them together. When the downs come around, you choose whether or not they are fixable and you choose whether or not you want to fix them. Today, against the advice of others, I chose to fix a friendship. There was more value in that then in keeping my pride or holding a grudge. I believe that I made the right decision, but if course, only time will tell. It will just be a matter of letting this journey run its course and making the decisions that feel right when there are forks in the road.

Lesson 86: Family Style

I read in the newspaper (I'm tellin' ya...it's full of new things to learn) that the Tri-Cities is one of the best places in the United States to raise a family. The study, conducted by www.kiplinger.com cited the area's economic growth, science and technology sector, low cost of living and access to parks and outdoor recreation.

I can see what they're saying. Nothing says family fun like Hanford, PNNL, sheep and the Columbia River.

Lesson 85: Pitney Bowes

Office equipment and I have never had a very good relationship, but today I learned how to operate the Pitney Bowes mailing scale at work, and I felt really accomplished. :-)

But even more importantly, I realized that I don't show enough appreciation for our administrative staff that keeps the gears turning in our office.I don't think I ever realized how much they do for us and for me until I actually started having to do some of these things myself. So hats off to all those men and women who do all those little jobs that are necessary but too often go unnoticed. Thanks for all that you do!