Lesson 69: Courtship

This was seriously the first image that came up when I Googled "courtship."

Whenever I see couples who have a good relationship, I ask them about how they met and how they fell in love. I know one couple that has been married for 30-something years and have had two children. I asked the mom how she met her husband. Here's the story:

She met her husband through her older sister, who had brought home a male classmate one day. The sister was asking her mom if she could go to a picnic with her classmates, and in between debates about whether or not she would be allowed to attend said function, her younger 16 year old came bounding into the home. She had been outside running around with the boys and had her hair tied up in pigtails. The mother them said, "You can go to this picnic if you take your younger sister." In order to spite her older sister, she said, "I wanna go!" All the while, the male was watching this younger sister and apparently fell in love right then and there.

The male started to court her by sending her books through her sister. They got married within four years and have been together ever since.

Learning this story made me think about current dating habits in comparison to the so-called "old fashioned courtship." I don't know which is better...or if one is better than another. On the one hand, you have courtship where a man pursues one woman exclusively and on the other, you have dating which can consist of dating multiple individuals at once to see what you want in a relationship. On the surface, dating seems like the better choice because it allows  more flexibility and lets you "narrow down the field," but there's something to say about courtship. If a man is selective and willing to pursue one and only one woman in attempts to get her attention, does it mean that he's less likely to give up on the relationship if challenges arise? And when a man simply dates, does it mean that he isn't sure yet of what he wants?

I can't say I learned the answers to these questions, but I'm curious about why "courtship" that was more prevalent in previous generations has wavered. Divorce rates are higher. People are dating more and getting married later. Were things better back then when creating relationships was more selective? Or are times really changing to the point where those tactics don't work? Despite my desire to be a strong, independent woman, I guess there's a part of me that still has a hopeless romantic living inside.

Lesson 68: Scotchbonnets

While chomping on some amazing Indian food and being told to avoid a certain dish because the host knew that I couldn't handle it (I love it when people know me well), I learned that scotchbonnets are the hottest peppers on the planet.They have 100,000-350,000 Scoville rating while jalapenos have a Scoville rating of 2500-8000. Apparently, you have to wear gloves to handle them. I guess that means they're "too hot to handle." Ba-dum bum!

Lesson 66: Dates

I am a cradle Catholic. I was born Catholic and will likely die Catholic. Nonetheless, I've always been tolerant of other religions and find their beliefs and traditions interesting. I like to learn about why people believe what they do and where those beliefs come from.

In particular, I've had a lot of Muslim friends, and I wonder why they do what they do, too. For instance, how do they know which way to face when they pray? How do they know when they can break their fasts during Ramadan? And why do they eat a date to break that fast? I learned that last tidbit when I asked a good friend of mine why he carried dates with him during our road trip from his hometown of Kissimmee to Jacksonville. After jokes about dates and blind dates, it turns out that Muhammad ate a date to break his fast, so Muslims carry on that tradition. There was also a time when I thought that dates were just dried figs. Turns out they're actually a real fruit.

Look at that--two lessons in one day.

Lesson 65: Second Homes

Today after a long flight to what I have dubbed my "second home," I learned a few things about having a secondary place where you "hang your heart."

1.) First and foremost, a second home comes complete with a second family. They'll pick you up from the airport, tease you on the way home and make you wash their dishes. In short, when you encounter your second family on the way home, it's as if you never left them in the first place.

2.) The door is always open and unlocked.

3.) The food is out on the table. You're expected and encouraged to serve yourself.

4.) The bed is made and a fresh towel and bar of soap are available.

5.) You know where everything is.

6.) In some cases, it's better than your first home because you know you're there  to be relaxed, be taken care of and be loved.

My second home is in a special place that came out of a less than perfect circumstance. Despite those unideal circumstances, I know that I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. I won't stop going there either.

Lesson 64: Needs

Today I learned the unfortunate fact that some charities in Washington are only able to operate in the counties in which they have offices. If there is no need in that county, they are unable to bring their services to areas where the need is greater but do not have an office. What a dumb rule.

Lesson 63: Entitlements

Today I learned that no matter how good you are or how loyal you have been to a person, cause or organization, you are never entitled to anything. The only expectation you should have is that you will be required to work hard and earn what you want.

I was put into a position where I expected to receive something just because I thought I deserved it. But a life lesson smacked me in the face, wagged its finger and pushed me back before I could snatch it. Rather than simply being handled this something on a silver platter, I had to follow the same process as anyone else and wait until I earned rather than simply received it. While I would have liked to take the easy way, I'm glad that I was forced to earn it because it made getting it that much more special.

Lesson 61: Special Occasions

Today I heard a pretty awesome story that introduced me to an interesting perspective on "special occasions."

There was once a woman who died at the young age of 25. Her fiancee was devastated but wanted to be a part of the funeral preparations. The woman's sister asked him to go to the woman's bedroom to select a dress for her to be buried in. The man went to the closet and started looking through the dresses hanging there. He came across a beautiful silk dress and noticed that the price tag was still attached. Stunned at the price, he removed it from the closet and placed it on the bed. As he ran his fingers across the soft material, he noticed a note pinned to it that read, "For special occasions only."

He realized that his fiancee had never had a chance to wear this gorgeous dress that she had spent a small fortune on because she was waiting for the perfect moment to wear it.

When the woman's sister returned to the room, he angrily slammed the closet door closed and said, "Don't EVER save things for special occasions."

Despite our intentions to save things for special times in our life, those special times may never come...or they may come when it's too late for us to thoroughly enjoy them. It's important to realize that every moment we're alive is a special occasion.